So I have been working pretty non-stop on this professional paper. And I AM ALMOST DONE! All I have left is my discussion section and a few corrections here and there! WHOOHOOO! I am struggling a little to get my counseling hours for the summer semester, mostly because its summer and people take vacations or go to the pool and forget about therapy. I do get to count all my music therapy hours, which right now isn't a whole lot, but helps to the grand total. I am incorporating music into my counseling sessions and it is amazing. The first time I did this in session, I cried with my client, which in turn made me realize that I had some unfinished business to attend to.
I knew in my mind that this counseling journey was hard on me. I knew it was difficult for me to be only "verbal" in a therapy session. I also knew in my mind that music is definitely my language. Music is a passion and I know that it is extremely powerful. What I didn't know was the extent to which music was such an integral part of my life...of my core. In my journey to become a better counselor, I realized how much I conceptualized people and life musically. I realized that music was not something that I "do" as a pass-time or as a hobby (like some of my counseling professors believe), it is a part of who I am, it is something that I need, like air to breath. At times I feel like I had to cut-off a part of my essence in order to get through the counseling program. As a result, I lost some of my confidence in myself as a music-therapist. My self-confidence and self-esteem are things that I continually work at, but I remember being confident in myself as a music-therapist a while ago. I was terrified to bring in music to my counseling session, because I was no longer confident in myself in that mode of therapy. That session was phenomenal, the music was exactly what my client needed. I cried because for the first time, in a very long time, I felt like a music therapist again. I felt a little more confident. I realized (with the help of professors and personal counseling) that I need to find my voice again; I need to find my music again.
There were also good outcomes to forcing myself to stop using music therapy. I strengthened my verbal counseling skills. I learned A LOT about myself and really forced myself to look at my areas of weakness and work on them. I also was able to heal up some of the trauma that led me to my strong musical connection in the first place. In a way I was able to pull out a small section of myself and do some hard core self improvements. Now I am working on incorporating it all together. I am finding out what being a counselor and music therapist means and looks like for me. It’s quite exciting!
Countdown till I'm done with grad school 6 weeks! WOOHOOO!
