Monday, September 12, 2011
A concept called free time
Adjusting to life without a million assignments due and hundreds of pages to read has proven somewhat difficult. I like to be productive, and I have had a difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, and making dinner is "being productive." For so long those things were simply seen as tasks that were necessitites. And they still are necessary, however I am having to adjust my mindset that these necessary tasks also count as "doing something today." There are days when I think "man I am just really lazy" because I want to take a nap or just sit and watch musicals all day. Then I realize just how extremely tired I still am from being a full-time student and working sometimes up to 3 jobs for the last 8 years of my life. I don't think I will ever re-gain all the sleep I lost over the last 8 years, but I am slowly allowing it to be ok to rest. I do have to be careful because I very easily lose track of time and there have been many days where I don't really know what I was doing for the past 2 hours. All in all, I am making the transition. I have also started crafting again, which has been super fun! Job hunting has to be one of the most frustrating things I have ever done.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Finished
I. am. done. with. grad. school.
I now have a Master's of Arts in Music with an emphasis in Music Therapy (thats a mouthful) AND a Master's of Science in Counseling & Development with an emphasis in community counseling. I am very proud of my accomplishment. It was a long road.
I passed my oral exams and turned in all my papers and I'm done. Now all I have to do is walk across the stage in December! I am sort of on holding right now because due to weird graduation rules (which is a whole different rant) I cannot "officially" graduate until December. Which means I cannot take the National Counselor Exam for my counseling licensure until October and I cannot be licensed until after my transcript has the words "degree conferred." Which leaves me teaching piano lessons and waiting. Piano lessons is not the worst job, in fact most days I enjoy it, I just don't enjoy the driving. I am searching for jobs and applying for a few, but the really good ones I am not qualified for because I "officially" do not have my masters degrees. This job hunting can be pretty frustrating. But as my husband pointed out to me this morning while he left for work and I slept in for a few more hours, maybe this is what God has planned for me right now. Maybe God is telling me just rest, I deserve it.
Now to adjust my mindframe to allow me to rest.
This past weekend I would think "ok what is due this week? what do I need to read or study for?" and then I would realize that I don't have any homework due or reading assignments or tests to study for to which I would then ask Josh....what do I do?? And of course his response was "nothing" or "relax." I think I will accept that challenge.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Almost done!
I AM ALMOST DONE WITH GRAD SCHOOL! It is still a very surreal feeling right now. My professional paper has been submitted. I have one final exam, a couple counseling sessions left, and my oral exams till I am done! Wow what a crazy crazy ride this has been! And in an attempt to not sound super conceited, but I must say that I am so proud of myself! In 3 years I provided 400 hours of counseling services, got married, moved an hour away from school, wrote a 60 page professional paper, and earned 2 master's degrees! YAY ME!
Ok enough of that.
I am job searching, which is extremely scary. It is definately a test of faith to trust that God will open the doors and provide opportunities for me. My first MT jobs were, well, awful, and I don't want to repeat those experiences. I've applied a few places, we'll see what happens from there. I am also not quite sure how I am going to be handling the change in 2 weeks. I went straight out of high school into college and then immediately into grad school. I have always worked at least part time and gone to school. I will have to learn how to redefine myself as something other than super busy student. This should be interesting, but I am definately ready for the change! First thing on my agenda is to sleep.
Here is my schedule for next thursday:
9:45-11:45 oral exams
12:00 start drinking
Ok enough of that.
I am job searching, which is extremely scary. It is definately a test of faith to trust that God will open the doors and provide opportunities for me. My first MT jobs were, well, awful, and I don't want to repeat those experiences. I've applied a few places, we'll see what happens from there. I am also not quite sure how I am going to be handling the change in 2 weeks. I went straight out of high school into college and then immediately into grad school. I have always worked at least part time and gone to school. I will have to learn how to redefine myself as something other than super busy student. This should be interesting, but I am definately ready for the change! First thing on my agenda is to sleep.
Here is my schedule for next thursday:
9:45-11:45 oral exams
12:00 start drinking
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Graduate school is crazy
So I have been working pretty non-stop on this professional paper. And I AM ALMOST DONE! All I have left is my discussion section and a few corrections here and there! WHOOHOOO! I am struggling a little to get my counseling hours for the summer semester, mostly because its summer and people take vacations or go to the pool and forget about therapy. I do get to count all my music therapy hours, which right now isn't a whole lot, but helps to the grand total. I am incorporating music into my counseling sessions and it is amazing. The first time I did this in session, I cried with my client, which in turn made me realize that I had some unfinished business to attend to.
I knew in my mind that this counseling journey was hard on me. I knew it was difficult for me to be only "verbal" in a therapy session. I also knew in my mind that music is definitely my language. Music is a passion and I know that it is extremely powerful. What I didn't know was the extent to which music was such an integral part of my life...of my core. In my journey to become a better counselor, I realized how much I conceptualized people and life musically. I realized that music was not something that I "do" as a pass-time or as a hobby (like some of my counseling professors believe), it is a part of who I am, it is something that I need, like air to breath. At times I feel like I had to cut-off a part of my essence in order to get through the counseling program. As a result, I lost some of my confidence in myself as a music-therapist. My self-confidence and self-esteem are things that I continually work at, but I remember being confident in myself as a music-therapist a while ago. I was terrified to bring in music to my counseling session, because I was no longer confident in myself in that mode of therapy. That session was phenomenal, the music was exactly what my client needed. I cried because for the first time, in a very long time, I felt like a music therapist again. I felt a little more confident. I realized (with the help of professors and personal counseling) that I need to find my voice again; I need to find my music again.
There were also good outcomes to forcing myself to stop using music therapy. I strengthened my verbal counseling skills. I learned A LOT about myself and really forced myself to look at my areas of weakness and work on them. I also was able to heal up some of the trauma that led me to my strong musical connection in the first place. In a way I was able to pull out a small section of myself and do some hard core self improvements. Now I am working on incorporating it all together. I am finding out what being a counselor and music therapist means and looks like for me. It’s quite exciting!
Countdown till I'm done with grad school 6 weeks! WOOHOOO!
I knew in my mind that this counseling journey was hard on me. I knew it was difficult for me to be only "verbal" in a therapy session. I also knew in my mind that music is definitely my language. Music is a passion and I know that it is extremely powerful. What I didn't know was the extent to which music was such an integral part of my life...of my core. In my journey to become a better counselor, I realized how much I conceptualized people and life musically. I realized that music was not something that I "do" as a pass-time or as a hobby (like some of my counseling professors believe), it is a part of who I am, it is something that I need, like air to breath. At times I feel like I had to cut-off a part of my essence in order to get through the counseling program. As a result, I lost some of my confidence in myself as a music-therapist. My self-confidence and self-esteem are things that I continually work at, but I remember being confident in myself as a music-therapist a while ago. I was terrified to bring in music to my counseling session, because I was no longer confident in myself in that mode of therapy. That session was phenomenal, the music was exactly what my client needed. I cried because for the first time, in a very long time, I felt like a music therapist again. I felt a little more confident. I realized (with the help of professors and personal counseling) that I need to find my voice again; I need to find my music again.
There were also good outcomes to forcing myself to stop using music therapy. I strengthened my verbal counseling skills. I learned A LOT about myself and really forced myself to look at my areas of weakness and work on them. I also was able to heal up some of the trauma that led me to my strong musical connection in the first place. In a way I was able to pull out a small section of myself and do some hard core self improvements. Now I am working on incorporating it all together. I am finding out what being a counselor and music therapist means and looks like for me. It’s quite exciting!
Countdown till I'm done with grad school 6 weeks! WOOHOOO!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Heartache
Today my heart is aching. My heart aches for music therapy, my heart aches for hospice work. I’m hitting my professional paper pretty hard, as I have 7 weeks to get it finished. The more engrossed I become in hospice literature the more I desire to work there. I have always desired to work in hospice, since I did a practicum there in 2007. But as I have gone down the professional paper road, the desire has become stronger and stronger. Will I never be able to work in hospice? I know that God will grant us the desires of our heart... I know that God will provide what is best for me at His chosen time. But I am human and I am weak, and some days I weep from the heartache. Some days I become angry that I cannot work in a field that I love so much. I know that God has great plans for me, I know that He teaches and strengthens through our suffering and trials. I also know that I am so extremely blessed. I have an absolutely AMAZING husband who loves me and cares for me unconditionally. I have amazing friends and family that support me and love me. Both my husband and I are in good health, he has a great job, we have money to pay for an apartment, bills, food, cars, and my graduate school. Please pray for me friends, that I can focus my blessings, that I will continue to have strength and trust in the God and His plan for me even on days like this.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
More work
So now that the wedding is over I should have lots of free time to relax before heading back to school next week....WRONG! There is still sooo much to do! Got most of the thank you cards written. Josh and I have been cleaning and rearranging the apartment to try to accomdate our new dishes and gifts. We are getting rid of our college plastic dishes! Woohoo!! The process of changing my name is really extensive as well. Yesterday I sat for an hour at DPS and an hour at the social security office to get those changed over. I also spent about an hour on the phone with the car insurance people to get all of that squared away. Hopefully Josh will get off early one day this week so we can get our bank account set up. Still so much work to do! The cats have been freaking out a little bit. I think they think we are moving again with all the boxes and packing and unpacking! Other than that things are great! :)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wedding!
Our wedding was absolutely wonderful! I thought I would share with you guys a few pictures our friends took!
The whole day was just amazing! During the Mass after Josh and I said our vows we were kneeling and we looked at each other and said, "Woah, did we just get married?!" It went by so fast, but it was so fun!
We both feel so incredibly blessed to be able to get married surrounded by our friends and family! I don't think we can ever say thank you enough for everyone's love, support, gifts, prayers, and generosity!
The weather was absolutely perfect that day, the Mass was beautiful, the music was amazing and the reception and dance was so wonderful and fun!
We went to the Bahamas for our honeymoon, which was an adventure that I will save for another day!
Friday, May 13, 2011
My career journey
I love music therapy. Music therapy has my heart. I have my MT-BC credential. Im getting a Master's in Music Therapy...so why am I also getting a Master's in Counseling? For several reasons.
The first time I considered doing the dual master's program was during my undergrad coursework. I don't even remember what course I had to read this article in, but it definately made an impact on me: Levels of Therapy: The Classification of Music Therapy Goals by Barbara Wheeler. I realized that what I really wanted to do would require some additional training.
Then I did my internship and was touched by a child who had experienced some severe trauma in her life. The trauma was pretty obviously the cause for the developmental delays.But since it was in a school district the focus was academics and language. Nevermind the fact that she had been working on these academic goals for 3 years without much improvement. We were not allowed to address any trauma and the school district was not addressing the trauma either. It broke my heart. I also realized that with my undergrad training as a MT processing the extreme trauma would have been outside my scope of practice. I also realized that I wanted to be able to do "deeper therapy."
My first jobs as a music therapist were.....pretty awful. I will not go into the specifics, but they were pretty horrific. I quickly burned out. Looking back, it still the events still make me sad. It also makes me sad, that there are many MT-BCs who have similar experiences. Why is that? Music therapy is such an amazing and beautiful therapy. Why do so many of us have to defend what we do day in and day out to parents, teachers, adminstrators, legislators, friends, doctors, OTs, etc. etc. you get the idea. Why are there mostly companies that don't pay fair wages or force us to have sessions in closets? I could go on and on, but I will stop there.
As I have gone through the counseling program, I really enjoy counseling. It is the "deeper" therapy I wanted but I miss the music. I so much miss the music. Unfortunately the dual program only allows the integration of MT and counseling in the last internship, so I have spent the last 3 semesters without music therapy. This summer is my last internship!! I am excited to see how I can integrate music therapy into counseling!
While I am excited to see how I will incorporate the two disciplines, I cannot put aside my passion. My professional paper is a comparison of hospice music therapy articles and hospice counseling articles. I read these articles and some days my heart really yearns to be able to work in hospice, to be a music therapist. Today is one of thos days. Maybe one day I will work in hospice as a music therapist. Maybe not, maybe I will be a counselor that incoporates music therapy into my counseling practice....
I leave you with this: Music therapy provides something very desirable in a hopeless or extremely unpleasant and undesirable situation. Music therapy has always been a profession in which its practitioners 'stand in the gap' to accomplish what cannot be done better in any other way. Music therapy interventions go far beyond the music heard on the television or a radio at a bedisde, sometimes referred to by nurses as 'music therapy.' When implemented by a skilled professional, music therapy contributes markedly to physical, psycholgoical, social, and cognitive functions for those requiring interventions. -Alicia Ann Clair
The first time I considered doing the dual master's program was during my undergrad coursework. I don't even remember what course I had to read this article in, but it definately made an impact on me: Levels of Therapy: The Classification of Music Therapy Goals by Barbara Wheeler. I realized that what I really wanted to do would require some additional training.
Then I did my internship and was touched by a child who had experienced some severe trauma in her life. The trauma was pretty obviously the cause for the developmental delays.But since it was in a school district the focus was academics and language. Nevermind the fact that she had been working on these academic goals for 3 years without much improvement. We were not allowed to address any trauma and the school district was not addressing the trauma either. It broke my heart. I also realized that with my undergrad training as a MT processing the extreme trauma would have been outside my scope of practice. I also realized that I wanted to be able to do "deeper therapy."
My first jobs as a music therapist were.....pretty awful. I will not go into the specifics, but they were pretty horrific. I quickly burned out. Looking back, it still the events still make me sad. It also makes me sad, that there are many MT-BCs who have similar experiences. Why is that? Music therapy is such an amazing and beautiful therapy. Why do so many of us have to defend what we do day in and day out to parents, teachers, adminstrators, legislators, friends, doctors, OTs, etc. etc. you get the idea. Why are there mostly companies that don't pay fair wages or force us to have sessions in closets? I could go on and on, but I will stop there.
As I have gone through the counseling program, I really enjoy counseling. It is the "deeper" therapy I wanted but I miss the music. I so much miss the music. Unfortunately the dual program only allows the integration of MT and counseling in the last internship, so I have spent the last 3 semesters without music therapy. This summer is my last internship!! I am excited to see how I can integrate music therapy into counseling!
While I am excited to see how I will incorporate the two disciplines, I cannot put aside my passion. My professional paper is a comparison of hospice music therapy articles and hospice counseling articles. I read these articles and some days my heart really yearns to be able to work in hospice, to be a music therapist. Today is one of thos days. Maybe one day I will work in hospice as a music therapist. Maybe not, maybe I will be a counselor that incoporates music therapy into my counseling practice....
I leave you with this: Music therapy provides something very desirable in a hopeless or extremely unpleasant and undesirable situation. Music therapy has always been a profession in which its practitioners 'stand in the gap' to accomplish what cannot be done better in any other way. Music therapy interventions go far beyond the music heard on the television or a radio at a bedisde, sometimes referred to by nurses as 'music therapy.' When implemented by a skilled professional, music therapy contributes markedly to physical, psycholgoical, social, and cognitive functions for those requiring interventions. -Alicia Ann Clair
Friday, May 6, 2011
Shoes
So today I attempted to find the perfect pair of shoes to wear on my wedding day....this was my 3rd attempt. I must confess that I absolutely HATE shoe shopping. This is for 2 reasons: 1. I wear a size 7 and have extremely narrow feet. This means that most shoes do not fit my feet. If they are narrow enough they are usually too small and too wide if they are long enough. 2. I cannot walk in heels. I have tried to learn, I really have, walked around the living room and read extensive articles about the art of walking in heels. The problem is that I am extremely clumsy and have very little balance standing flat foot. This is also the reason that I do yoga in my home from a video and not at a gym or yoga place...but I digress. Back to shoes...so I can wear a small heel and by small I mean 1 inch or less. The quest to find wedding shoes is also slightly complicated because I refuse to wear plain white shoes despite my mother and josh's requests! I also will be spending the entire day in these shoes...this IS a Mexican wedding...so they need to be somewhat comfortable, or at least tolerable for 9 hours. Also since there will be lots of dancing I don't want sandals or open-toe shoes. I learned from my quinceanerra that my toes need a little protection from my drunk relatives! :p My mom and I found a SUPER cute pair of sparkly shoes a few weeks ago. The problem is that they are flats and so when I put them on with my dress, my dress dragged on the floor and I tripped. Not really the way I want to walk down the aisle. So there you have it, I need shoes with a small heel, covered toe, not plain white (or black or beige), cute, size 7, narrow, and comfortable. Now is that really too much to ask for? I think I might have found a pair, after going to about 8 stores. I showed them to Josh and he said "you are such a hippie." I hope they work...mom will be up next weekend and I will try the shoes with the dress then for my bridal pics. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
All Life Is Precious
After hearing the news of Osama Bin Laden's death...I was conflicted. I am human and I am American. A part of me felt extremely relieved that his reign of terror had ended. But mostly I felt sadness. I am sad that people are rejoicing over a man being killed. I am sad that killing OBL was in all reality the only way to end his reign. I am sad that countries often have to result to war and killing.
It also leads me to the idea of being pro-life. Being pro-life doesn't just mean not supporting abortions. Pro-life means believing that ALL life is precious. Young, old, priests, mothers, fathers, and even murderers and terrorists. Being pro-life means not supporting abortions, the death penalty, euthanasia, murders, and war. I do not feel that it is my place to pick and choose whose life is important and whose isn't. ALL life is precious and all human beings deserve to live from conception to natural death.
Do not get me wrong, I do not support murder! There are consequences to our actions and thats what the justice system is for...thats another topic for another day...but too wrongs do not make a right....ok I'm done with that.
Also do not misunderstand that not supporting war means I don't support our troops. Far from true, they are seperate topics. I support our troops who fight for our freedom day after day and make sacrifices that I cannot even dream of. Like I stated earlier, it just saddens me that sometimes our world comes to war.
I feel extremely blessed to be surrounded by friends who are amazing people and Christians. It is nice to know that I am not the only one to feel mixed emotions about the recent events. Here are some quotes from my amazing friends via facebook.
"Are we seeking power for power’s sake? Or are we seeking to make the world and our nation better places to live. If we seek the latter, violence can never provide the answer. The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them." Proverbs 24: 17-18
"Let us give thanks for Presidents Bush and Obama and their relentless pursuit of this terrorist and others who jeopardize our safety and the safety of the world. Let us give thanks for the members of this Navy Seal team that carried out this operation—and give thanks for their safe return. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.Let us pray that this will unite our nation, rather than continue to divide us because of political or religious or racial differences. Let us pray that, as one of our Bishops prayed this morning, “this will bring closure, and that there will no longer be retaliation upon retaliation upon retaliation.” Let us pray, as we have been taught through the Scriptures, for peace."
~First United Methodist Church, Monroe, LA
"Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace."
~Fr. Federico Lombardi (Official statement from the Vatican)
It also leads me to the idea of being pro-life. Being pro-life doesn't just mean not supporting abortions. Pro-life means believing that ALL life is precious. Young, old, priests, mothers, fathers, and even murderers and terrorists. Being pro-life means not supporting abortions, the death penalty, euthanasia, murders, and war. I do not feel that it is my place to pick and choose whose life is important and whose isn't. ALL life is precious and all human beings deserve to live from conception to natural death.
Do not get me wrong, I do not support murder! There are consequences to our actions and thats what the justice system is for...thats another topic for another day...but too wrongs do not make a right....ok I'm done with that.
Also do not misunderstand that not supporting war means I don't support our troops. Far from true, they are seperate topics. I support our troops who fight for our freedom day after day and make sacrifices that I cannot even dream of. Like I stated earlier, it just saddens me that sometimes our world comes to war.
I feel extremely blessed to be surrounded by friends who are amazing people and Christians. It is nice to know that I am not the only one to feel mixed emotions about the recent events. Here are some quotes from my amazing friends via facebook.
"Are we seeking power for power’s sake? Or are we seeking to make the world and our nation better places to live. If we seek the latter, violence can never provide the answer. The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them." Proverbs 24: 17-18
"Let us give thanks for Presidents Bush and Obama and their relentless pursuit of this terrorist and others who jeopardize our safety and the safety of the world. Let us give thanks for the members of this Navy Seal team that carried out this operation—and give thanks for their safe return. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.Let us pray that this will unite our nation, rather than continue to divide us because of political or religious or racial differences. Let us pray that, as one of our Bishops prayed this morning, “this will bring closure, and that there will no longer be retaliation upon retaliation upon retaliation.” Let us pray, as we have been taught through the Scriptures, for peace."
~First United Methodist Church, Monroe, LA
"Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace."
~Fr. Federico Lombardi (Official statement from the Vatican)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Life
I've been trying to decide what to blog about. My life is a mixture of trying to be a music therapist, trying to be a counselor, trying to mix the 2 professions, and juggling other life events like weddings and health issues. There are lots of great music therapy blogs, there are lots of great personal blogs. My blog will most likely be a mixture of both. My life does not contain nice neat boxes which hold profession, student, personal...the lines are smeared. It's messy...that's life. I enjoy my messy life.
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